I decided I had put off doing my taxes for long enough so I did my taxes today. It takes a stressful burden off me which I am glad. I do not know why I get worked up over taxes as they always seem easier to do than I think they will be. TurboTax helps as you just have to fill in the information and the system does the rest for you. I am glad they are done and over so I can stop thinking about them.

The other part of the day was reflective. I am amazed at how quickly time passes. Things that seemed to have happened yesterday are really things that have happened years ago. The reflection was in two parts that were connected. Twenty years ago, my sister died and I went on my round the world backpacking trip. Both of the events changed my life but in different ways.

My sister’s death was not unexpected, the timing was but the actual death was not. My sister had been diagnosed with a rare genetic illness Alpha-1. It is a disease that mimics emphysema. It allows fluid to build up in your lungs. Seven years before her death she had a lung transplant. The lung transplant never really worked properly and there were regular crises along the way. Finally, knowing her quality of life was never going to get better, she gave up fighting and succumbed. I do not blame her for giving up as she had fought the disease for 24 years. Her death as any death would affected my family and the dynamics. I do not think my mother ever got over loosing her child and she came much more emotionally needy of the rest of the family. It, also, made me an only child. I cannot say that my sister and I had an ideal relationship but she was family and we loved each other. I miss being able to talk to her as she was the only person who knew what life was like growing up and had the same insights to our parents as I did. Even after all these years, I still see, hear or think of things and for a second say I need to tell Leslie this.

The second part of that year was I went on a round the world backpacking tour by myself. There were other events that precipitated the trip, a big birthday, losing a job, and just a need for change. It was the first time I had done something that different. I had traveled a great deal in my life some of it by myself but I had never done something so challenging before. I was going place I had never been and did not speak the language. I really did not know how it was going to turn out. I joked with myself as I left the United States at night and flew out over the ocean – “Did I like myself enough to spend 3.5 months by myself?”. I was definitely going to find out. In the end, it was the most wonderful experience and it taught me a lot about myself. I was able to travel by myself and meet every challenge that came my way and there were some. I met people along the trip that made it fun and interesting. I had some great experiences with people from the countries I traveled. I saw things that I never thought I would get to see. It reinforced my self confidence and my adaptability. I put the link in another blog post but if you want to know more about all the experiences – pwbworldtrip.wordpress.com.

I think the trip is part of what made me know that I could come live in Toulouse and not only just live by thrive. If I could travel the world, I could live in France by myself.

Enough of the reflections on life and time. I headed out to the Place de Capitole for dinner – it is somewhat touristy but it was raining and I wanted a pretty setting for dinner. I had mussels and French fries – a standard French dinner with a lovely glass of wine.